From Tomorrow on Out - Get Me On Patreon

Okay, beloved followers!
Day after tomorrow, January 6th, I will post my blog post on Patreon first. Click here to go to Patreon
I have a lot of posts in the works, and will be writing for this whole month on my conditions.
So, why should you subscribe to Patreon?
Look below for my list of rewards

REWARDS

The Riparian Donor

$1 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

You are doing what you can, and I still love you for it. For $1 monthly, you get this:

- 1 suggestion on a blog/vlog post topic

- 1 day early posts

$1 Access

The Brontide Donor

$5 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

Way to step it up! For your $5 monthly pledge you get:

- 1 monthly suggestion on a blog/vlog post topic

- 1 day early posts

- Your name listed on my weekly Vlog post thanking my Patrons

- Your name on my blog's Perfection in Patrons page.

$5 Access

The Orphic Donor

$10 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

You rock! For your $10 monthly pledge you get:

- 1 monthly suggestion on a blog/vlog post topic

- 1 day early posts

- Your name listed on my weekly Vlog post thanking my Patrons

- Your name on my blog's Perfection in Patrons page.

- Personal shout out at the end of each scheduled Vlog post

$10 Access

The Concupiscible Donor

$25 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

 You are a winner in my book! For your $25 monthly pledge you get:

- 2 monthly suggestion on a blog/vlog post topics

- 1 day early posts

- Your name listed on my weekly Vlog post thanking my Patrons

- Your name on my blog's Perfection in Patrons page.

- Personal shout out at the end of each scheduled Vlog post

- Hand written Thank You note to your address. 

$25 Access

The Nubivagant Donor

$35 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

What a sweetheart you are! For your $35 monthly pledge you get:

- 1 weekly suggestion on a blog/vlog post topics

- 1 day early posts

- Your name listed on my weekly Vlog post thanking my Patrons

- Your name on my blog's Perfection in Patrons page.

- Personal shout out at the end of each scheduled Vlog post

- Hand written Thank You note to your address. 

- Live Q&A Session Monthly

$35 Access

The Foudroyant Donor

$50 or more per month ∙ 0 patrons

Holy wow! For your $50 monthly pledge you get:

- 1 weekly suggestion on a blog/vlog post topics

- 1 day early posts

- Your name listed on my weekly Vlog post thanking my Patrons

- Your name on my blog's Perfection in Patrons page.

- Personal shout out at the end of each scheduled Vlog post

- Hand written Thank You note to your address. 

- Live Q&A Session Monthly

- A handmade gift

$50 Access

To The Vista Avenue Albertsons in Boise, Idaho

Today was not an atypical day, at least not really. Yesterday I randomly moved with my mother to Boise, Idaho for a month to be with my older child – who my mother is raising – and to work on my vocals until my Voice audition next month. But, something incredible did manage to happen today and I will forever be grateful to the skilled and helpful employees of the Albertsons on Vista Avenue in Boise, Idaho.

This morning, as I entered the store to buy just one thing – a gallon of whole milk – I began to have a panic attack. I was aware this would happen, it usually does when going somewhere new and busy. I froze in place just beyond the registers and my skin went clammy and my palms, back, face and armpits began to sweat. I couldn’t breathe and I just stared at everything in dazed confusion. This is where your awesome staff stepped in. First was a younger man with long-ish curly black hair. He asked if I needed help, and when I simply replied “Milk.” He walked with me to where I needed to go, and pointed out my target. Then, after I had lingered a bit and chosen my milk, another employee noticed my staggering, panicked state and asked if I needed help. I said no, and started walking toward the door. They thanked me for shopping and wished me a good day. 

By the time I reached the register I was in a full blown panic – despite your employees amazing help. I fumbled with the five dollar bill in my hand, trying to dry it off from my hand sweating like crazy. The woman at the register – I can’t remember what she looked like, stopped and said “It’s okay hun, you’re gonna be just fine. Your milk is $2.43” That refocused me enough to let me pay and leave. I am really, truly impressed with the way your employees aided me in this shopping trip – which would have been otherwise embarrassing and impossible.

The kind and attentive attitude at your store allowed me to feel welcomed and supported by your employees instead of feeling like a freak for panicking in public. I wanted to reach out to you guys and thank you for the hope and kindness your team offered me. It was truly inspiring.

Peace, Love and Bulletproof Marshmallows
Mandey T

I Moved!

So this pretty much happened between 8 and 10 in the morning the other day. I was stressed out about not getting enough vocal practice, my brother's mental attacks, living with my ex-husband, and my mental health deteriorating quite a bit. Everything just felt sour. Enter my mother.

"You can come back to Boise with me."

An open door appeared. I could devote more hours to vocal practice, get my head right, and do some work in serving the homeless. It sounded delightful, even if my relationship with my mother was a bit strained normally. I wanted what I had before me. So, I took it.

By 11 my bag was in the car, and we were on the road.
At 9 PM we arrived safely in Boise.
Now it's permanent-ish.

I am staying here until I am down to Nevada to audition for the Voice. Then after that... I am not certain. I keep getting sick when in Sisters. My brain just rots on me when held in like that.

Well. That is one YesToLife big thing, I guess.

This should be fun.

To The Woman I Didn't Have The Answers For

I know exactly what you wanted when you messaged my Facebook page. You wanted the key to being better. You wanted the doorway out of being chronically depressed. You wanted a fix-this situation and an answer to how to get it. I could not give that to you. Here’s why:

1. There isn’t a quick-fix in existence. 
I told you to take the time to find the right therapist and the right medication. Here’s a fact about me: I have an awesome mental health team. A wonderful therapist and an experienced psychiatrist. My therapist helps me work on the here-and-now of my illnesses, and works with me in finding ways to be better tomorrow than I was today. My Psychiatrist – my Doctor – who prescribes my medication works hard to help me find the right balance of medication to stave off my symptoms enough to allow therapy to become effective. It took 25 different therapists – over 10 years – to find the right one for me. In order to get where I am now, I had to start at the starting line. I wrote down a list of questions – and the right answers – for my therapists. (How much experience do you have with PDD-NOS – a form of Autism? – I needed an experienced therapist who could work with all my parts. What is your approach to the LGBTQQA community? The answer – I am LGBT+ friendly) Those are just two examples, but they made finding the right therapist easier and smoother for me. Then I had to do the same for my prescriber. It took small steps to get going. By the way, hun, I don’t have the right med combo yet either.

2. If I tried to come up with one, I would only be hurting you.
I am honored that you thought I was experienced enough to help you the way I am, but truth be told – I am not. Plenty of not-depressed people will try to sell you on Yoga, Green Tea, Veganism, Fish Oil and many, many more “fixes” and when (not if) they do not fix it, you are disappointed and hurt by the failure. I am helping you most by telling you how to start the healing process. So, no, I do not have any medically based and scientifically sound and proven advice for self-healing. It doesn’t exist, and I am sorry for that. 

My only real advice for you is to take the first steps first. The only way – I have found – to get better is to commit to the work it takes to do just that. I am sorry I could not give you what you wanted from me. I hope you get the help you need.

Peace, Love, and Bulletproof Marshmallows
Mandey T

Yes To Life - Day One

This is the journal for yesterday - as all of these will be - about my #ProjectYesToLife

January 1, 2017
I said yes to life by jumping on board to help a friend with his kids. I don't normally go that far because I have enough anxiety issues surrounding my own kids. It was fun and I really enjoyed myself. I won't be posting this on The Mighty today, but will probably compile each week and post it that way. Also, my letter to my church. Yes to Life by not allowing myself to be discriminated against.

I am leaving Westside Church. It completely breaks my heart to say this. Over the years I thought that I was being brought up by a church that would not stand for discrimination or stimga. Recently I was proven wrong by one of the most important leaders in my life. It turns out that more than just myself have recently been turned away from serving the church due to a history of mental health issues - despite being functional, and willing hearts who only wanted to help do God's work. This is a slap in the face to those who are working so hard to beat their mental illnesses. In every platform you go to for mental health or addiction recovery - one thing is always, always strained. Be of service to others. Help other people. 

If Westside Church is going to stand in the way of steps toward healing for their most vulnerable denizens then I can no longer attempt to serve this church. I will be moving to Boise to serve the Syrian refugees living there and to practice for my Voice audition. I hope I find a church that will not bow down to stigma like Westside has. I have found a large handful of people in the Bend mental health community who were turned away from serving Westside church on the grounds of their brokenness.That is both shocking and disappointing, 

It has been a wonderful 12 years between attending in person and watching online almost every week. I will admit, yesterday - when I did neither - felt off and out of place. Thanks for trying to keep up the illusion that me - with all my pain and scars and hurt - was welcome at Westside. I have been mostly in tears since Friday over this, and I feel that I am making this choice for my own good. I need to find a place where I will be welcomed into serving God's kingdom regardless of my history. 

I will be praying for your church. You guys really need it.

Peace, Love, and Bulletproof Marshmallows

Mandey T

You Might Be Missing Out This Month

So, I will continue to post daily here, and to get things written concisely, and well, but you should be aware of something.
This announcement will become fully effective as of January 7th.
With my Patreon account fully functional, and work toward making my writing hobby into a career, There will be posts there that you may miss out on.

• Most Daily Posts will be posted there first. Example: My January 1st post for #YesToLife will be posted there on January 1st, and here on January 2nd. My MightyMonth journal entries will go there a Day early, and any videos will be posted there a day early. - All of this only visible to subscribed patrons. - However, all of these posts will make it here (and hopefully onto The Mighty) the next day.
• Patron Exclusives. My Patrons - depending on monthly contribution - get awesome exclusive bonuses. I admit, I tried to keep this somewhat minimal, as I believe that my voice is meant to be shared freely. 
• Hand-written letters
• Q and A sessions
• Topic suggestions
• Handmade gifts
• Shoutouts
• Video Calls on Skype.

What you get without becoming a Patron:

• I will continue submitting 2-3 daily stories to The Mighty. Anything out of those that are published will be posted here, on facebook, and linked to Twitter and Google+
• My Facebook page is always open for messaging - Patron or not
• A Daily Digest post that is publicly posted here, on Facebook, and on Patreon on the same day.

Hope you like what is coming. 

Peace, Love, Bulletproof Marshmallows

Mandey T

A response to the incredibly moving short film “Dear Daddy”

Dear Parents,
I just wanted to thank you for looking after me so well, even though I have been somewhat of a handful. I know you already try harder than Superheroes, and you never signed up for a kid like I was.
But I need to ask you a favor. Warning. It’s about you because you see, I was born Autistic, and I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 20, which means that by the time I was 14, the kids in my class were calling me a retard, a loser, a freak and many other things. It’s just for fun of course, something kids do. So you didn’t worry and I understand that. Perhaps you did the same when you were young, trying to impress some of the other kids.  I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it. Still, some of the people didn’t get the joke and funnily enough it didn’t make anything better. So by the time I turn 16 a couple of the boys had snuck their hands down my pants when I was so drunk I couldn’t even stand straight. And although I said “no” they just laughed, it was funny, right? If you saw me you would have been so ashamed because I was wasted.

My social inadequacies will leave me forever vulnerable to those who would take advantage of me – I just want someone to like me. No wonder I was raped when I was 17, 17 and on my way home in a car driven by the son of a guy who works with the state. The guy who always told insulting jokes but they were of course only jokes so everyone laughed. Had anyone known that his son would end up raping me they would have told him to get a grip. But how could they know, he was just a boy, telling weird jokes and in any case it wasn’t their business. They were just being nice. But his son, raised on these jokes becomes my business. This isn’t the only time my growing fear of being too different for this world will get me in trouble.

Then finally I met Mr. Perfect and you were so happy for me because he really adored me. And he was smart with a great job and all through the summer he taught me incredible things about science – like you used to. But one day he stopped being Mr. Perfect and I don’t know why. Wait. Am I overreacting? One thing I do know, I am not the victim type. I am raised to be a strong and independent woman. But one night it was just all too much for him with me at work, and the in-laws and the baby, so he called me a freak, and because I am so different – so out of the box – you blamed me for it. But, I understand. I’m not angry about it. You never asked for a Clinically Depressed, Anxiety and Panic ridden Autistic for a daughter.

Then another day he hit me. I mean I was way out of line, I can really be crazy sometimes. We were still the world’s greatest couple and I was so confused, because I loved him and I hated him and I’m not sure if I really did do something wrong and then one day I almost killed myself because of things he said to me. It all went black, even though I have incredible talents, a fantastic congregation, I’m loved by my friends and family, I am well brought up and nobody saw this coming.

Dear Parents, this is the favor I want to ask: One thing always leads to another so please stop it before it gets the chance to get worse.

I am begging you to stop blaming me for something I had no control over. Because, time and time again, before my diagnoses happened, someone abused me for my problems. Because I spent the better part of the last 20 years terrified that I would never be good enough for a world that I wasn’t made for. Because no one bothered to look into why I was so different as a child, I developed PTSD that is related to my own DNA. I am now Clinically Depressed, and riddled with Anxiety and Panic over everything. Everyone who knows me really well – unfortunately, unlike you who haven’t spent more than a few days with me since was 17-ish – says that I am an amazing woman, and that they are privileged to know me. But I am unable to believe them, because when I try to tell you about what I want to do with my life… you bring up how disastrously weird I was. My severely untreated Autism is a mark for you on our relationship. It colors everything you say to me, and how you choose to respond when I say I need something. Please, please understand that I am working so incredibly hard to figure out what the social normative is and ways of behaving. Stop judging me for the 14 year old who could do nothing but hate the world out of fear, for the 17 year old who ran away repeatedly… for someone I tried to kill.

Dear Parents, it is too late to make the right choices regarding what I needed as a child. I am now asking you to make good choices regarding who I am becoming as an adult. Because I was born Autistic, and that is still the greatest challenge I face each day.

** Original work produced by CARE Norway and is exclusively their copyright. This is an attributed work modeled on and derived from their work.***

Peace, Love, and Bulletproof Marshmallows,
Mandey T
You can follow me, and help me make my writing a career at the following links.
Thank you SO much for all the love and support you have shown.
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