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Saturday, January 28, 2017

I Didn't Post Today - Again

Today was incredibly hard. I am still really upset that my bus to Oregon fell through. My roommate is still insane. Honestly, I struggle every single day to hide the symptoms of my illnesses, because they're not acceptable here, but - here's the thing, she makes me regret trying to function. There are frequent thoughts of just giving up and letting my illnesses take over, and they just don't let up. I mean, hell, I am staying up later than ever - and waking up earlier; I am crying more often than I have in over a year, and I am losing grip on my commitment to not self-harm. Everything about me is beginning to disintegrate here, and my whole self is miserable.

I promise, beloved readers, that I will resume posting my usual lists of advice, songs, stories, and ideas very soon. Right now, though, I am hurting deeply and really need to get back on my feet before I audition for The Voice, something I currently feel dreadfully unprepared to do. Mostly because this person in my life has a way of making me doubt everything good in who I am.

They leave me feeling empty of anything of quality. I am living in hell. But, only for one more week, and then it is over.

Until tomorrow, dear readers.
Peace, love, and bulletproof marshmallows,
Mandey T

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