Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Why I Will Not Be Staying in Boise Anymore
When I originally became agitated:
What it looked like was me becoming sullen and distant.
What she did was accuse me of laziness, and try to cause me to feel guilt for it (and accuse me of being willing to do ANYTHING to get out of doing work).
The correct response would have been to notice that I was agitated and leave me to the dishes, not start pushing harder on me to do things her way.
When I became visibly upset:
What it looked like: Defensive yelling, some name-calling, an effort to make her want to leave me alone.
What she did: Scream at me, force me into the cold weather for periods of time as a punishment for being visibly upset. Tell me "you can get on a bus back to Oregon tomorrow" - which I am now doing because I cannot live like this.
The correct response: I see that you are overstimulated and are upset, do you need to be left alone right now?
When I was unable to stop being upset:
What it looked like: Yelling, crying, shaking, inability to focus, aggressive posturing, avoidant behavior, pushing, shutting down.
What she did: Touch me when I told her not to. SIT ON ME TO TRY TO STOP ME. Threaten to TICKLE me as if I was joking around. STAY IN MY FACE WHEN I TOLD HER TO LEAVE ME ALONE, THREATEN TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME, THREATEN TO LEAVE ME OUTSIDE IN THE COLD AND UNFAMILIAR ENVIRONMENT, TELL ME SHE DID NOT CARE WHERE I WENT, TELL MY FAMILY HOW HORRID I AM, THEN SAY IT WAS ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE DISHES.
The correct course of action was to try to avoid the unstoppable meltdown, but once it was reached she should have left me alone and actually let me calm down. Instead, when she was not threatening or yelling at me, she was on the phone with family members telling them how horrible and out-of-control I was - INSIDE OF EARSHOT.
If this person, who I will not publicly post my actual connection to online, cannot understand that I am legitimately unable to turn off my Autism, or any of my mental illnesses, then she does not qualify to be in or involved in my life. That is an unfortunate fact, but still a fact of life.
So now my bags are packed, the bus is paid for, and I want nothing to do with this person in any way, ever again. They have proven that they are not worth my time, or my pain and suffering, to try to form any relationship with. I do not need their level of ignorance in my day-to-day life.
Peace, Love and Bulletproof Marshmallows