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Friday, January 27, 2017

Why I Still Identify As An Emo Kid

In my early teens, I hit that lovely Emo scene with all of my delightful weirdness. Dyed my hair, wore heavier makeup, listened to depressing music, defied authority whenever possible - you know, the works. But I used it to cover something up, something that was killing me more than anything else. I was in real pain.

My long, dark sleeves covered cuts that grew in number every single night. The dark makeup covered the weariness that would have shown through without it - while intentionally highlighting it. The wild hair took attention away from my problems and to my appearance. The dark music reassured me that I was not alone in the way that I felt. Everything had a place and a purpose.

I still think of myself as an Emo kid. Bands like Yellowcard, Relient K, Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin, Green Day, Sum 41, and blink-182 are still heavy features in my music library. I still decorate myself in bright hair colors, heavy makeup, and dark themes. I am 3 months from the last time I hurt myself on purpose. This blog is living proof that my mental health is still weary and broken - but recovering. I am still an Emo kid. Not the stereotypical sensationalized version, but the authentic self-expressed and self-confessed Emo that lives forever in the hearts of every single one of those like me.

Being Emo, for me, represents using every part of my appearance and my world to express the stuff inside me. I try not to cut, and sometimes I fail to resist it. And, thing is, the rest of the ensemble really helps me get through it. Every part of who I am, and how I am, represents itself, or part of the internal me.

That is why I am still an Emo Kid.

Peace, love, and bulletproof marshmallows
Mandey T

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